I've been missing on my new blog. The everyday posting thing hasn't worked out for me. But on the other hand, I have been working on a new novel. So it's coffee with Nigel the character in my story that takes flight.
I also visit Facebook with my coffee. A stalker of other lives. Is there inspiration to be found? A favorite shop posting a photo of an antique I can't live without. If so, I watch the clock until 10 am when most shops open and make a quick call. "How much? Yes. Perfect. Here is my charge card. I'll be in later today to pick it up."
Lately, I wake up in the morning, fear at my heart, as I ask myself a simple question. "Did I buy anything online last night?" Like a drunk on a binge, I am out of control at 2 am, up on Etsy, clicking the 'put in your cart' button. I have a thing for jewelry with old tintypes of turn of the century people. "Dead People" I call the creations with photos dangling from chains of pearls, rhinestones, vintage beads. Most friends love my jewelry, some cringe at the term I use to describe them. "There is a distinction," I shake my head as I explain my passion for these pieces. "The people are dead now. They were very much alive when photographed." Makes sense to me. My collection is growing. I feel a kindred spirit to some of the ladies I wear around my neck. You don't land there unless there is a connection between us, the photo speaks to me, even if the subject can't.
So what does all this have to do with the quote above? I found it on Facebook and it struck a cord with me. I've been thinking too much about Pizza. Eating pizza out with friends and popping a frozen pizza in the oven. Pizza leads to Mexican food, which leads to French fries, which takes me in a downward spiral of eating all the wrong foods. My fascination with Pizza has put weight on me. A normally chunky ball of fun, I now feel my energy zapped, and my blood pressure up.
The quote also took me in many directions. I live like I have a get out of jail free card. I can't motivate myself to do the right thing to feel better. It is time to get control and make myself feel better.
A million excuses come to mind. Most of all, my hip surgeries. The fact I still use a cane is no reason to walk into Applebee's and order the Quesadilla burger.
The biggest question I ask myself is "Can I do it?" Can I shift my eating habits for a day. One day. Baby steps. Then the next day. I look in my fridge and see only English muffins. "Tomorrow." That is my answer. I will go to the grocery story tomorrow and buy the right foods.
I've been here before, but at a younger age. Low carbs worked for me. That is how I plan to go this time, too. Last time I felt wonderful. More energy and I lost weight without starving myself. Perhaps it will work again.
If I work again at it.
The fridge had the same English muffin this morning. I zapped my water in the microwave to fix a cup of Folger's instant coffee. Then I saw the small box of eggs I bought, still within the date of freshness, and pulled it out. I tossed a few eggs in a bowl and zapped them for a minute in the microwave, too. Topped with a bit of cheese. Followed by a small can of tuna. Disgusting. But I am full. And I took my first baby step. My next step will be to the grocery store to buy low carb foods so my menu will be a bit more appetizing.
Know anyone who wants a few frozen pizzas? I need to get that temptation out of the house!
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